The process has begun.  Today I spoke with a Army active-duty recruiter about transferring from ARNG (Army National Guard) to active status.  But before I jump in to how it went I wanted to take a minute and give you a synopsis of my current situation.

First, for anyone who knows me then you can testify how patriotic I have become since joining the ARNG.  And yes I must place emphasis on the 'AR' (Army) part of ARNG because the uninformed tend to believe the 'National Guard' is an organization all on it's own and has nothing to do with the Army.  There is in fact also a 'National Guard' affiliate for the Air Force as well!  So now that we're squared away on that let's move on!  I love America and I love the Army.  It's not the Marines but it's the next best thing in my book.  I'll explain my unfathomed attachment to the Marines in another blog, ha!  I have wanted to be a soldier and 'fight' since childhood.  Of course I was in to the typical things every boy loved to do in the 90's but there was also an admirable desire for becoming a soldier brewing deep inside!  My favorite color was green, I loved GI-joe's, I spray-painted my water guns black to look real, and when my mother introduced me to 1986's 'Platoon' and shortly after 1998's Saving Private Ryan, I was forever hooked.  Life went on as I became a teenager and went through phases but the dream to become a soldier remained.

On the 25th of February in 2010 I was sworn in to the Army National Guard and quickly on my way to becoming an Army soldier.  Again, "it's not the Marines but it's the next best thing in my book".  I mean, come on.  At least I wasn't going to be a 'semen' or Air Force guy, and that was good enough!

I quickly became acclimated in the brotherhood that is the Army and graduated basic and AIT (Advanced Individual Training).  Hooah!  I made it!  I choose to hold off on going the infantry route and decided to become a 91B (Wheeled Vehicle Mechanic) for the ARNG.  So one weekend a month I put on my uniform and pretend to be a soldier, no big deal.  I was granted the opportunity to work stateside on orders but it was shortly lived.  I also desperately applied for these full-time ARNG only technician jobs as a 91B for the state but was given the run-around and eventually stopped applying.  All the while still thinking about being a Marine, or going active-duty, or volunteering to deploy with a ARNG unit.  I would stay up late watching gritty military documentaries about soldiers and marine's experiences during a deployment.  I picked up a few veteran-written books about the current war as well.  I became fascinated with this idea of being 'deployed'.  Somehow people are titling it 'deployed' instead of war and perhaps it just sounds more comforting.  "I don't care" I thought, "I have to go and experience this.  This is why I joined."  I would continue to ask myself, "how can you say you joined during a 'time of war' and never actually went to war".  I still wasn't a Marine, but at least I could go to war...

So this is where my story continues.   I currently have the DD368 in my hand and signed by the active-duty recruiter (thank god!).  After much research and phone calls I was beginning to realize how hard it is for a reserve or ARNG soldier to 'be released' to be active-duty.  Apparently recruiters get nothing by helping soldiers out like myself to become a full-time soldier.  More or less just a bunch of paperwork and phone calls and giving up the chance to make a 'bonus' off a new enlistee.  I won't mention his name, but thanks again SSG!  My next step is to decide if I am really going to go through with this and then proceed through my chain of command and pray they sign off and 'release me' from my current unit.  I'd like to think of myself as an outstanding soldier and I do everything that is asked of me and more by my unit.  I realize what kind of soldier I am and proud to admit it!  But this also worries me because my unit might not be willing to let a good soldier be released and journey on to the dark side!


All of this is sudden and happening quickly.  The spark for this all to happen was from a text I received by a soldier in my unit who found out that active-duty had slots for 91B.  Which would mean we could keep our job and be able to go active.  Prior to this you were lucky to actually find a recruiter to put you in first, and second, there had only been slots for Special Forces or Infantry.  Definitely not for a 91B.  So when he told me this, well...  The gears my SPC Mata's head began to turn.  And all of these 2 years of contemplating and praying about deployment, or going active, were about to be answered.  This could be the golden ticket for me but still I must debate the pro's and con's with myself even though I know what will make me happy.  I plan on discussing this decision with the family this weekend and get their input.  I'll report back to you with my decision!  Hooah!

11 days left...

I'm counting the days until I ship out for basic training. Columbia, South Carolina at For jfuck

Tonight, or should I say morning: I'm up, awake, and ready to go to war.  The opportunity to re-class as Infantry is more apparent and ideal for me right now.  Will I go?

It's late, I forgot about this one..

So I completely forgot about this site I had... I'm up late reminiscing about the past, reading old emails and songs I wrote many years ago. This one letter I wrote to a friend stuck out and I wanted to share it. If you asked to read this a few years ago I would've said, "whatever, piss off". But time changes you... As I get older I grow softer, and thank god you know...


dateThu, Apr 19, 2007 at 9:31 PM

"Might take some time to read through this mess...
Hey, nice poetry or whatever you'd like it to be called. The recording of the survivor was pretty deep... They told him to simply go home. So it was those few words, maybe those few times he spent exchanging conversations with the two guys is what saved his life? Maybe it wasn't his time? Or maybe he just got lucky... I figure I cannot say for sure as I was not in his position, or any of the other students and teachers who made it. The only thing I can relate is my uncle blowing his brains out, all over him and his wife's bedroom.... My cousin Lee had to walk in and see his fathers blood all over the the room. He was about 12 or 13. He went to the phone, called my aunt and told her that she needed to come home because "dad was sick". I don't want to understand what that can do to a person... I remember skipping school one day and these two girls were driving to middle college and wrecked. The new friend who had just started attending middle college died, and the driver survived. It's strange because I had went to school with this girl growing up and she was a solid person, real nice, didn't get caught up in lame shit... Perhaps in the eyes of a god she had completed her walk on this earth and the deeds were complete... so she was taken away... I was in the office the day before it happened. She stepped in, I turned around and made eye contact with her. I then felt strange, not nervous, not scared, just strange. I grabbed my books, left, and never thought about it again. Little did I know it would be the last time I would ever see her... Her funeral came around and I couldn't bring myself to go... What would I do, I had no words to describe what I felt... I surely didn't want to be around her family and dearest friends who would be crying for someone they thought they couldn't live without.. And there I would be, only having a memory of being in her classes. I guess we take whatever shit we are forced to deal with and either try to forget and ignore it, or dedicate all of our waking hours to ponder on the tragedy. I'm not saying either way is correct, it all depends on what you can handle in the long run... There's certainly anger in my heart... pain. I did nothing wrong and was forced to see and be part of other's life problems. My father molested my sister when she was little, my mother was molested when she was young, she had her first born and put him up for adoption... a brother I have never met... my mother would get drunk somewhere and leave us for my sister to watch us when we were little... a thousand problems that will never be solved. People can't be responsible for their own shit. They went on to damage a family that was not even born yet... My step father was a joke, he broke things and would leave... During my first year of fourth grade I was being bullied and fucked around with at home. My teacher had my desk topled over when I walked in to class one day and I had to put all my papers back... 1 of much bullshit I dealt with during that school year so I stopped going. Home was shit, school was pain, so I just walked around town, skated, or watched tv. I ended up failing 4th grade and how I made it through the next few years well.. I guess someone wanted me to get through school. I got in to punk rock music, I became more isolated from my family and peers, and I was very depressed much of the time... Oscar got in to experimenting with drugs, that's how he dealt with it.
In my mind, I always knew that the public school bullshit was never right for me... i lost interest in it at an age where you shouldn't even have to think about that kind of thing... Now I'm settling for ged... Now I'm free... for the first time in a long time I feel free... I'm happy and I actually feel more like I'm going to make it... I think much of what I have had to adapt to has shaped the person I am today. Through all of the pain and suffering, I thank my lucky stars that it was there. I was forced to either break or fight it. I was forced to take a drug, a remedy, a short-term cure, but I said no. I beat it.

Well, I checked out sixpartsseven and I have to say as soon as I pushed Play, I become overwhelmed with a feeling of hope in my heart... it's that kind of music that makes me think, that makes me drive, that makes me, me. There is a melodic/indie japanese band called bluebeard that I need to send you the album too, it's been my bible for the past few weeks and was very hard to obtain. This kind of music seems to rely more on emotion and drive, rather than too much snotty lyrics and how well you can solo. And yes, I do hear a lot of what me and you used to fiddle around with, especially when it was just jamming in the shed. The melodic emotional music that would build up to a certain point and never make it there.... leaving you desperate for more. And that's how it is. We're searching for some end that we will never acquire. This is the end. gotta kick a lot of ass while we're here."

Employed and Moving

So hello there! Things here have certainly been up and down, but I have finally settled with a new job working as a Technical Support Representative for Philips through Sento in Raleigh. I sit in my cubicle space and help customers with universal remotes, phones, prontos, and tv's nationwide... Everyday of work brings laughter and frustration, but in good amounts of both! It's definitely my favorite job thus far. There's benefits, payed vacation, options for a 401k, and I have the coolest supervisor on this planet. Not to mention, I work with some pretty amazing people! So that's that, now lets move on to the moving, "uh oh...."

You heard me loud and clear, it seems as though I will be moving out with a friend of mine, her name is Lauren. She's such an amazing person who is full of energy and excitement. I am greatly looking forward to living with her and having a place to call my own =). Well that is all for now, later!!

Games, Games, and more Games

FinalFantaxyXI
Here’s the wrap-up of what’s been going on here. This isn’t the place for me to become extremely personal, but I now have more time to work on my projects. That includes my roughly-thought-out mod for Half-Life 2, a new website layout, more lan party’s, and a up to date information section based on my Final Fantasy XI character.



That’s right; I started playing the mighty Final Fantasy Online. I actually had played it before but only for the first free month it offers. The game is massive, beautiful, and seems to never end. It does a good job at pulling you in. You will find yourself playing for hours before completing quests and leveling up. This is certainly no log on for thirty minutes and put a dent in the game, nope. The quest system actually involves reading and exploring, unlike most mmrpg’s out today where you are given a way point to your destination. That makes it lazy and all you have to do is click, click, next, next, and not even use those literacy skills you learned in school… I am trying to level up so I can get a mount to ride on. The yellowy fuzzball called a Chocobo! But my character is a rather large Galka beast. I wonder how funny he will look when riding the chocobo around. I’m recording footage of my gameplay and taking screenshots constantly so this will of course be put in to another youtube.com video provided by me.

Music. The band I am in right now has had a few successful jam sessions. I guess you could say we have roughly three or four songs. So far the sound is hard to explain. It will go from Anthony’s off-sound to my melodic style. Hardcore punk to just jamming. The music will surely get people moving at a show, which reminds me. The first place we will be playing at is a house party. Some guy with parent’s who have a lot of money so I figure we can go and wreck his place up. Nah…


Lord of the Rings Online. I was able to beta test this massively multi-playered online game before its release and I have to say I was a bit disappointed… Its basically World of Warcraft with a few different skills. The skills are a little bit more interesting to do, but other than that the game even looks close to WoW. It even looks like they used the same game engine. You can go and spend fifty bucks and find out for yourself, but if you’re already playing WoW then I would just stay put.

LanParty#2

That's right, lan party 2 happened at my place again. The turnout was the same as last time with five people here and two playing at home from their internet connection. My 8meg connection came in handy with all the bandwidth it had to dish out on my Natural-Selection server. "Machine-gun barrels were smoking and green blood was splattered all over the place." I played mostly for the Aliens and we got our asses handed to us. Robert would evolve to Onos early in the game and just annihilate the enemy base. Anthony held the commander chair for a few rounds and dropped the Marines supplies as they were being chomped to pieces by swarms of Skulk. It was good to see Jeff back on the gaming scene, I'm glad he made it. Below here is a video I pieced together of the not-so-good footage I took of us playing.